Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
