There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
