Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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