what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
