I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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