oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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