my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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