My first STD was from a foam party
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
