he puts the penis in happiness.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
