Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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