allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
