I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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