Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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