something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
