so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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