Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
