Umm I'm too high to move.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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