Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
