please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
