See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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