so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
