from now on my penis is your penis
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
