I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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