i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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