The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
