Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
