If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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