Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
