U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
