Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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