oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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