did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
