Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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