i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
