So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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