it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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