I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
