y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
