He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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