the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
