you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
