You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
