In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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