I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
