By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
