I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
