R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
