There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
should my penis look like a turkey
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
