I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
