a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
