wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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